wacky wednesday - lessons from 2014

Many people spend some time at the end of the year reflecting on events (vacations, births, deaths and the like) that occurred during the last 12 months. I like to think about the lessons I've learned or been reminded of as I was living life during the year.

LESSONS FROM 2014

1.  There is beauty everywhere, even in the middle of a desolate desert in the middle of nowhere.

Our trip to Death Valley National Park in August (yes, it was hot!) reminded me that there is beauty everywhere if you look for it. One evening as we were waiting for sunset, the scorching sun broke through some clouds and shined "God light" on the salt flats below making them shimmer. Instantly the scene changed giving us a glimpse of the breath-taking beauty in the desert.

2.  Holding a baby is good for your well-being.

Studies show that most adults holding a non-crying baby have higher levels of endorphins, lower cortisol (the stress hormone) levels and lower blood pressure than the same adults without a baby in their arms. They smile more often. Holding our newest granddaughter, Hannah Beckett, certainly makes me smile!

3.  You sometimes become more child-like as you get older.

This year I began collecting Lego minifigures (or minifigs) after I read an article about photographing them. It's fun to put them together and play with them as I pose them. And apparently I'm younger than I think since our seven-year old grandson, Ben, told me that I "play with baby Legos - you know, the ones for ages four and up!"

4.  It's good to take time to enjoy the simple things.

Our granddaughter, Ellie (age one), squealed and squeaked with abandoned delight as the "snow" (more like shave ice!) fell at the zoo. Her enthusiasm was contagious and pretty soon we were all laughing. It made me wonder how often my excitement or happiness as I "stop to smell the roses" rubs off on others.

5.  Trying new things helps us grow, even if it isn't perfect.

On January 18th, 2014 I began a photography 365 project. The idea is to take a photo every day using a list of prompts. Early each morning the day's prompt was emailed to me and I began thinking about what I would photograph and how. I learned to think outside the box as my photography skills improved. Many months I didn't miss a single day (like July above). But other months life got in the way and I missed a day or two here and there (like October above). At first I felt like I had ruined the project by missing a day but I came to realize that the project still had value and the vacant spots represent days I was busy doing something else. And, as I look back at the entire year, there weren't that many days I missed taking a photo - it's all perspective!

Happy New Year!

wacky wednesday - traditions

This time of year is especially exciting for me. I like the holidays we celebrate - Thanksgiving in November followed by Christmas in December and then New Year's. But more than that, I love the traditions we have surrounding those holidays - some are fairly traditional and others are pretty... um, unusual.

I've spent the last week or so pondering traditions - why we have them, their importance and how they sometimes change over the years. Each family is unique and so are the traditions they have. I have talked to friends who have lots of holiday traditions and a few who have none. The important thing is what works for your family.

FIVE THINGS I DISCOVERED ABOUT OUR FAMILY TRADITIONS

Traditions connect us to family, both past and present. Every Thanksgiving we make Aunt Karen's stuffing and Aunt Karlene's Heavenly Hash. Our traditional Christmas dinner is lasagna and Italian sausage, a tradition started by Richard's mom (aka Nona) over four decades ago. None of these women are with us any longer, but we remember them and talk about them as we shop for, prepare and eat their signature dishes. The stories are told and retold as they live on in our hearts. And the traditions continue with our kids and their families.

Another tradition is for the kids (okay, and sometimes the adults) to put olives on their fingers and eat them off, a tradition started by our nephews when they were young. The nephews are grown now with children of their own and the tradition lives on with their children and our grandchildren. Although the nephews and our children live in different parts of the world, they all talk about when we had Thanksgivings together years ago and they put olives on their fingers - and they tell their children.

Traditions give us anticipation. I know that sending Christmas cards is becoming a thing of the past, but I absolutely LOVE receiving them (and sending them!). The anticipation begins in mid November and begins to peak the day after Thanksgiving (because some of our friends are much more on the ball than I am!). My heart beats just a little faster as I walk to the mailbox wondering who we got cards from that day. The handwriting on the envelope, the annual Christmas letter and photo are my sweet reward.

Traditions give us consistency and comfort.  Every Christmas morning we open our stockings first, then we open gifts one at a time, taking time to thank the giver and appreciate the gift.  Our kids, as they were growing up, knew what to expect.

Both Richard's family and mine had traditions of driving around looking at Christmas lights. We continued that tradition with our family making sure that at least one evening was devoted to driving through neighborhoods with the best decorations while we sipped hot chocolate and ate Christmas cookies. It is like chicken soup when you're sick... comforting.

Traditions sometimes change or only last for a time. We started a tradition when our kids were young of going out front at midnight on New Year's Eve and banging on pots with wooden spoons as we wished the neighbors who were also out front with their kids "Happy New Year!" The kids are now all grown and have moved from the neighborhood and the "parents" are usually in their jammies by 10pm so no one is out front visiting or banging on pots at midnight. The tradition, however, lives on with our kids and their children.

Traditions sometimes begin intentionally and other times come about quite by accident.   One year when our oldest child was very young, I had to work on Christmas Eve and didn't get home until about 4:30 in the afternoon, much too late to begin cooking a big dinner. Instead, we ordered pizza (a treat for us!) and had a most unconventional Christmas Eve dinner. The following year I wasn't working but our daughter insisted we have pizza because "it's tradition!" (In her defense, it was the only Christmas Eve dinner she was old enough to remember.) We have had pizza almost every year (30 years!) since then. Who knew it would be become tradition?!We just thought it would be easy since I had to work.

On the other hand, soon after we were married I intentionally started a tradition of making several kinds of Christmas cookies every year. One of the kinds I always made was cut-out sugar cookies that we then frosted and decorated as a family. There may have been some competition as the kids grew up - also part of the tradition! Although I don't make as many kinds of cookies now that the kids have left home, we always make some either at our house or with the sweethearts.

I think our traditions are important to our family. They are part of our identity, what makes us different from other families. Some of them take extra work and planning but it wouldn't be the same without them.

As Tevye says in Fiddler On The Roof, "Because of our traditions, we have kept our balance for many, many years. Here in Anatevka we have traditions for everything... how to eat, how to sleep, even how to wear our clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered and always wear a little prayer shawl... this shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, how did this tradition start? I'll tell you - I don't know. But it's tradition... because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do... Traditions, traditions. Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as... as... as a fiddler on a roof!"

wacky wednesday - progress??

There is no denying we live in the technology age. Chips and processors get smaller while screens and number of megapixels get larger. Our devices (or "screens") do increasingly more tasks - everything from being our alarm clock to our camera and navigation system (including an old-fashioned map!) and more.

The cameras on smartphones now rival just about any point and shoot digital camera. They take better than decent photos that are printable should you be old-school enough to actually print your photos. Since our phones are practically surgically attached to our hands, we always have them with us. We can snap a photo with our phone, instantly edit it using fairly sophisticated editing software and post it to FaceBook or Instagram in less than a minute. Most people think this is "progress."

But I wonder.

I have not been to a single event (parade, fireworks show, school program, sporting event or concert, for example) in the past year or so where a sea of phones and tablets have not been raised above heads to capture the event (either photos or video). The person holding the device sees only one screen, of course, but those behind him who are not recording the event see dozens (or even hundreds) of bright electronic screens and their view of the actual event is blocked.

When did we, as a society, become so self-centered, inconsiderate, and dare I say, rude? And when did we stop living in the moment, just enjoying being at the event, and watching it live?

My all-time favorite cartoonist, Bil Keane, captured this sentiment perfectly in his cartoon last Sunday (12/14/14).

I challenge you to put your "screens" away for part of this holiday season and just enjoy the show  and the people you are with!

wacky wednesday - is small talk a big thing?

The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article (A Victory for Office Small Talkers, October 27, 1014) describing a research effort studying chit-chat and employee retention. The article caught my eye because I have long believed that men and women talk about different things with their co-workers while they are at work.

When I ask my sweet husband how so-and-so's vacation was, he'll say something like he didn't ask and they didn't volunteer; they talked about work. Thinking this was something unusual about my husband, I asked other male friends if they engage in small talk with co-workers during breaks and they all said the same thing - "Work is for work." However, female friends who work outside their home often volunteer social information they learned from a female co-worker - things like a restaurant they went to or a movie they saw. Clearly women talk about things other than work.

This made me wonder if employers prefer "chit-chatting" employees or "strictly down to business" ones.

The article mentioned a study conducted by an assistant professor at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania where she analyzed two years worth of electronic communications (emails, texts, calendar scheduling, etc.) from a little over 8,000 employees at a global information technology consulting firm. She organized communications into categories including a social one indicated by words about meals, sports, etc. Her research showed that employees who used words like "lunch," "coffee," "baseball" and "dinner," for example, were more likely to keep their jobs during company layoffs. In fact, this "small talk" was a better indicator of job retention than how much money an employee brought in to the company.

The researcher suggested that "chit-chatting" employees have value that isn't well measured yet. They could be "influencers" - employees who are well-connected and relate on a more personal level with their colleagues. Or maybe they are more fun to be around and therefore, more valued by co-workers. Or they might boost morale in the workplace increasing overall productivity.

Whatever the reason, while work performance is important, social communication can give a little extra boost. It's time to bring the art of conversation back!

wacky wednesday - the things you miss

My mother-in-law, whom we affectionately called Nona, often reminded me to appreciate each age and stage of parenting our children. For example, I would complain about spending all day in my car driving 75 miles to take our darlin's to school and back, to activities, etc. and never travel farther than ten miles from our house. She would laugh and tell me that one day I would miss that. I'm pretty sure there was some eye rolling on my part after that.

Seriously? I would miss stuff like that? What about changing clothes several times a day because the baby spit up - or worse- on me? Would I miss that, too? How about finding out at 9:00 at night that my sweet darlin' had volunteered to bring 5 pieces of poster board to school the next day? Or going on a road trip and answering the question, "Are we there yet?" a bajillion times? I was absolutely certain Nona was mistaken; no one could possibly miss stuff like that.

Fast forward a couple of decades. My sweet darlin's now have sweethearts of their own. And I have learned that Nona did, indeed, know what she was talking about.

In no particular order, here are seven things I never, ever thought I'd miss.

1.  Photo-bombing (although back in the day it was just called "getting in the way")
I am almost certain I "talked sternly" to my sweet darlin's for jumping up into my picture while I was trying to take a landscape photo. However, I realized I really do miss the silliness and spontaneity of this prank when one of my sweethearts did it last week.

2.  Hearing and responding to "Watch this!!!" fifty times a day

Our parenting style was to be engaged and interact with our sweet darlin's when we reasonably could so we heard "Watch this!!" a lot. I remember one summer when they both wanted me to watch them dive in the pool and pick up rings off the bottom EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY DID IT all summer long. It's difficult to be enthusiastic and excited the five hundredth time you've watched it! But I've learned that their wanting me to watch them is really their way of sharing themselves with me. Yes, it's attention-getting but they're sharing something they like to do or something they learned. And I do miss it. Fortunately, the sweethearts have a never-ending supply of things to "share!"

3.  The disorder of the tupperware cupboard

Our sweet darlin's quickly learned that they were to leave cupboard doors alone (and closed)... except for the Tupperware cupboard. That one they could open, take all the containers and lids out and play with them (and as they were older, put them away) to their heart's content. Consequently, that cupboard was usually a disorganized, chaotic mess. While I loved watching their delight while they played with "my toys," I also longed for the day when my cupboard would be neat and tidy and finding the right container and lid wouldn't take half an hour. Imagine my surprise when they were older and I actually missed the mess inside the cupboard! I am delighted to have some little sweethearts that like to play in the cupboard. 

4.  Chalk art on the driveway or patio

While doing chalk art is fun and I always loved seeing what they would make, the mess it creates is not so fun. The chalk dust gets all over hands, legs, feet and clothes to then be tracked into the house. Once our sweet darlin's outgrew chalk art I was certain I would never miss it - but I did. Seeing their drawings or, as they got older, messages spread across the driveway as I came home always made me smile. So now I always have a bucket or two of chalk for the sweethearts to draw with - the "mess" is easily cleaned up!

5.  Drool and fingerprints on the glass on the back door

I could never understand why both my mother and Nona never seemed to mind if our sweet darlin's put their hands all over a window or a mirror. Who were these women? They couldn't be the same mothers my husband and I had - because we got scolded at for doing that! And we "discouraged" our sweet darlin's from slobbering and putting handprints on glass doors and windows. It seemed like I was forever cleaning them - and couldn't wait until everyone was old enough to not do that. And once they were,  I learned what my mother and Nona already knew - that the fingerprints and the drool is a reminder of how little they are and how fast they grow up. And I missed it! Now, when my sweethearts (or someone else's sweethearts) come to visit, I encourage them to fingerprint away and I don't wash it off for weeks or sometimes months!

6.  Little feet peeking under the stall door in a public bathroom

When our kids reached an age where they were old enough to go in a public restroom stall by themselves but not quite old enough to be in the public restroom alone, I would use the stall next to them so I could see their feet. If they finished before me, they would plant their feet outside my stall door so I could still see their feet. I was 100% certain I would NOT miss that when the kids got older, mostly because they liked to peek through the cracks in the door to watch me. But, alas, I was wrong again and not only enjoy it but even laugh when I see my sweetheart's shoes peeking under the stall door.

7. Toys scattered all over the floor

Okay, absolutely no one would miss tripping over toys on the floor. And, honestly, I don't miss the tripping - but I do miss seeing toys spread out all over. We have a basket of toys in our family room for young children to play with when they come to visit. Their parents always remind the child to "pick up your mess" but I really wish they would leave it, at least for awhile.

Although Joni Mitchell's song, Big Yellow Taxi, is making an environmental statement, the sentiment in the refrain - "don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone..." - rings true for me.