I've spent the last week or so pondering traditions - why we have them, their importance and how they sometimes change over the years. Each family is unique and so are the traditions they have. I have talked to friends who have lots of holiday traditions and a few who have none. The important thing is what works for your family.
FIVE THINGS I DISCOVERED ABOUT OUR FAMILY TRADITIONS
Traditions connect us to family, both past and present. Every Thanksgiving we make Aunt Karen's stuffing and Aunt Karlene's Heavenly Hash. Our traditional Christmas dinner is lasagna and Italian sausage, a tradition started by Richard's mom (aka Nona) over four decades ago. None of these women are with us any longer, but we remember them and talk about them as we shop for, prepare and eat their signature dishes. The stories are told and retold as they live on in our hearts. And the traditions continue with our kids and their families.
Another tradition is for the kids (okay, and sometimes the adults) to put olives on their fingers and eat them off, a tradition started by our nephews when they were young. The nephews are grown now with children of their own and the tradition lives on with their children and our grandchildren. Although the nephews and our children live in different parts of the world, they all talk about when we had Thanksgivings together years ago and they put olives on their fingers - and they tell their children.
Traditions give us anticipation. I know that sending Christmas cards is becoming a thing of the past, but I absolutely LOVE receiving them (and sending them!). The anticipation begins in mid November and begins to peak the day after Thanksgiving (because some of our friends are much more on the ball than I am!). My heart beats just a little faster as I walk to the mailbox wondering who we got cards from that day. The handwriting on the envelope, the annual Christmas letter and photo are my sweet reward.
Traditions give us consistency and comfort. Every Christmas morning we open our stockings first, then we open gifts one at a time, taking time to thank the giver and appreciate the gift. Our kids, as they were growing up, knew what to expect.
Both Richard's family and mine had traditions of driving around looking at Christmas lights. We continued that tradition with our family making sure that at least one evening was devoted to driving through neighborhoods with the best decorations while we sipped hot chocolate and ate Christmas cookies. It is like chicken soup when you're sick... comforting.
Traditions sometimes change or only last for a time. We started a tradition when our kids were young of going out front at midnight on New Year's Eve and banging on pots with wooden spoons as we wished the neighbors who were also out front with their kids "Happy New Year!" The kids are now all grown and have moved from the neighborhood and the "parents" are usually in their jammies by 10pm so no one is out front visiting or banging on pots at midnight. The tradition, however, lives on with our kids and their children.
Traditions sometimes begin intentionally and other times come about quite by accident. One year when our oldest child was very young, I had to work on Christmas Eve and didn't get home until about 4:30 in the afternoon, much too late to begin cooking a big dinner. Instead, we ordered pizza (a treat for us!) and had a most unconventional Christmas Eve dinner. The following year I wasn't working but our daughter insisted we have pizza because "it's tradition!" (In her defense, it was the only Christmas Eve dinner she was old enough to remember.) We have had pizza almost every year (30 years!) since then. Who knew it would be become tradition?!We just thought it would be easy since I had to work.
On the other hand, soon after we were married I intentionally started a tradition of making several kinds of Christmas cookies every year. One of the kinds I always made was cut-out sugar cookies that we then frosted and decorated as a family. There may have been some competition as the kids grew up - also part of the tradition! Although I don't make as many kinds of cookies now that the kids have left home, we always make some either at our house or with the sweethearts.
I think our traditions are important to our family. They are part of our identity, what makes us different from other families. Some of them take extra work and planning but it wouldn't be the same without them.
As Tevye says in Fiddler On The Roof, "Because of our traditions, we have kept our balance for many, many years. Here in Anatevka we have traditions for everything... how to eat, how to sleep, even how to wear our clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered and always wear a little prayer shawl... this shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, how did this tradition start? I'll tell you - I don't know. But it's tradition... because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do... Traditions, traditions. Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as... as... as a fiddler on a roof!"
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