wacky wednesday - the pesky matter of réspondez s'il vous plait

It is that time of year again. No, this is not another post about the weather seasons... although it is warming up. This is about graduation and wedding season. And with those acts of celebration comes ceremonies and parties... and the dreaded "RSVP."

RSVP is an abbreviation for the French phrase, "réspondez s'il vous plait" which means "respond, please." The word "respond" is a verb, an action word, meaning the receiver of the invitation needs to DO something. Responding or replying to the invitation is not just a suggestion, it is a command.

For many generations, it was understood that an invitation - ANY invitation - required a response in a timely fashion. Not replying would be an affront to the host or hostess. It would certainly be the last time you would be invited to a social function.

Eventually, people got a little lax about replying and the abbreviation "RSVP" was added to the bottom of invitations, often with a date that one should reply before, as a gentle reminder that a response was expected.

I remember my mom taking RSVP's very seriously, usually responding within a  day or two of receiving an invitation. With her example and insistence - okay, nagging - I learned to do the same. And I passed that etiquette on to my daughters who, to my knowledge, continue to respond promptly to invitations.

But lately I have heard many party-givers lament not knowing how many people were showing up to their shindig. This makes planning an event a nightmare of giant proportions. It impacts seating, food and drinks for the casual party at home to all of that plus parking, wait staff and favors for a larger celebration like a wedding reception.

Apparently I am not the only one to notice this upswing in bad manners. An article in The Wall Street Journal several months back also addressed it. According to Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette expert, Emily Post, and a spokeswoman for the Emily Post Institute, Inc., instant communication is to blame.

I think Ms. Post may be on to something. Back in the day, a written invitation would be hand delivered by a courier who often would wait for the reply and take it back with him. In more modern times, invitations were mailed with or without response cards to be returned via mail. The invitation was "in front of you" (on the refrigerator, kitchen counter, etc.) reminding you to reply.

But now, with many invitations being texted or emailed, we read them and forget about them when the next text or email pops up. Or we intentionally wait to see if something more interesting comes along. We have forgotten how to simply commit. We no longer have to allow three to five days for the US Postal Service to deliver our response. It can now be delivered almost instantly anywhere in the world to someone's "inbox" and read by them on their phone.

While all these "reasons" are true, I don't believe they should be excuses. It was, is and always will be bad manners to ignore invitations by not responding with a yes or no answer. And good manners are always in style.